A Romance

A kiss on the the lips so that i could sleep We held hands before we drift in to our dreams She held me tight, she held me tight She spoke to my ear with a voice so sweet She helped me forget where i had been She held me tight, she held me tight Death, your so majestic What have you done to me Death, it seems so amazing Why would you walk by me Keeping me safe Playing lovers games Ignoring all the rules that the universe have made Embracing me with your arms Giving me strength Encouraging me to keep with my battle And that's the only way you'll keep me around

A Death & Vengeance of...

A Death & Vengeance of...

Some days

Falling, clearly out of mind, hallucinating demons and monster that would only bring me harm, brought only by the cure to the evil pain that drowns me day after day. God if you can hear me, because my voice is absent, there is a hole in my chest where my previous heart laid. Now I may see my friends, but since my mind has gone insane I clearly feel as we are in some other place, a place where my demons wont get me, because Im no longer fighting on my own, for I have an army protecting my back as I slay this things that just want to see me suffer. Suffer my dear life, suffer, for it must be right. Expanding this wings that only exist in my dreams, as Its the only thing that dulls this pain. If to run away was an option, but I can hardly breathe and to move would be impossible. I am tied to a bed with tubes down my throat, not sure if I am dead but I know I'm far from home. What in this life brought me here? It must had been my deeds on a previous life. For nothing I have done could deserve a punishment like this. If you could see me, I am not even a shadow of whom i used to be, completely broken, with so many stitches layered over and over the previous ones, leaving my body with uncountable amount of scars. If you could hear me, for I only lie when i'm asked how I feel, and only through this letters I confess what is real. A man who is willing to fight against the odds, even when they tell me most likely I will be gone. I do believe my strength is gone and so... I think about giving up every day, because I will never know what is to be normal. To have what people call health, to fall in love again since it would be a crime to drag someone else in to this hell.

What to say.

Polluted mind, must be just mine

Trying to escape or read between the Lines

That everybody suffers In their own way

Who am I to say that its any different

Dear God I can no longer hear you

Must be my fault for stumbling and not seeing you

For thinking that your not there while I suffer

When i beg you while drowning in my own tears

Please I'm loosing it, I can not take this pain

Or please, let me forget

I can only say I remember everything

My pain, my mother's and sister's pain

As they see me laying there

I know their praying

but do you listen?

I do not want to say you didn't

But this pain brought no cleansing

Only hallucinations, Of horrible things

And to this day, they still haunting me

Killing my dreams and the ability to sleep

God, my spirit was screaming for you

Since my voice was un existent

My chest open, I feel I'm broken

And my soul has escaped from me.

I hate to pretend but if I'm at my end

Could you give me real peace

For every one thinks that I feel better

When in reality I have never felt so afraid

So broken and without strength

I have no fight left in me

A cloud hovering with all my broken dreams

I'm not ready to quit

But I am weary

I wish I knew the right words

But at this time I don't know just what to say.

no audio

Some times, some days, I just simply wish that I could write

that i could just say what I see inside my mind

But most days I am so lost

there is so much that goes in this life

I can't understand it

I fight hard to stay around

to keep my feet above the clouds

Because the reality drives me crazy

to feel my body dying

and fighting with all its might to stay alive

creating veins that do not exist

tolerating pain while feeling sick

it has become hard to write

to know what I would like to say

my mind has become blurry

as if every real thought

was hidden at the end of a maze

yet I try

A Heart a Day 4

A Heart a Day

Mon 11:15 Pm Jan 24, 2011

I owe hearts but they are drawings so as soon as I figure how to add them they will be here

This heart comes from my doctors, because thru-out my life I have met so many and all the good ones have fought to keep me alive

I can only say I wish I knew a way to thank them because just saying it does not do for all they have done for me

I have been blessed with luck

because I have been able to find just who I need when I need it

some people has told me that I have bad luck, that is just funny

but if I think about it, bad luck would be not to find anyone that could help me at a time of need

fear has been a loyal companion thru-out my life, yet every doctor that helps always finds away to rid of my fear

all my Doctor believe in God

I do not think that a coincidence, but a way to confirm that there is a greater being looking after us

battered people

I have a Doctor in my family and he is the standard I use to know every Doctor that cares for me

for twelve years I have been living with some one else's heart

altho after so many years it belongs to me already

but I had a doctor in charge of that heart and through every complication he took care of me, made me feel loved and I knew he cared for my well being

he still does, he chose my new doctor who saved my life after my most resent heart attack

he has kept this heart beating when other doctors could not figure out what was wrong

I love this people, I owe them my life

and so far this is the best I can do to thank them

I am getting ready for my next heart transplant and I can only hope for the same kind of people to always be on my side

Thats why this Heart comes from them, because they save lives every day

they keep this heart fighting and they have become an important part of my family.

A Heart a Day 3

A Heart a Day

Sat 8:00 Am Jan 15, 2011

This heart comes from my Music, My only escape, the only way I know to free my self from all types of pain

I fell in love with it at a young age, but it wasn't until I was given a guitar that I understood what it said

each melody had a story to tell, even when I was just learning

I could hear my guitar speak, sweet words with every single emotion ever felt

It was just like learning a different language

but day after day each word became clear

I would fall asleep on my bed playing my guitar over my chest

listening to its sweet words

I fell in love

I believe that the music I make speak the words that I'm afraid to say

and some times it screams, it cries, and simply lets me understand my own emotions

I have written many songs that would just be poems if not for my music

I flew from Puerto Rico to Boston in need of a new heart

I have never been so sick, never been so scared

but thanx to my music I could have a moment when all this disappeared

and I felt alive

During this time I wrote my best songs ever

eventually I kept getting better

but after my heart transplant I had to lear it all over again

I was no longer capable of many things

I felt destroyed

I knew how to play but my hands could not understand that

I kept trying every day

and I have to confess I have never been the same

a lot was lost during that change

and as time passed I felt maybe I had a chance

But my heart got sick again

and this time my hands where un able to play a note with out me drowning in a pool of pain

my music was no longer my friend, my lover, my escape

I could not say a word of how I felt

so I tried a different instrument

I began to compose in my computer with a piano and other things

I had found the escape

but still my true love seemed galaxies away

I learned new stiles of music, new ways of creating

but my soul still had a void

I have done everything in my power to get my hands back

and after a long a painful time

I can play my guitar once again

I can speak from within my soul

It may sound strange for some people but I know what I have gone thru is not easy

so being able to still create music is a grate deal to me

I am my favorite musician

and thats why this heart comes from It, Music, the language of souls.